The Unexpected Truth About Failure No One Tells You
I wanted to have a snappy title for this blog. Something like “Everything I learned about overcoming failure I learned from <<insert pop culture reference here>>”.
Except I couldn’t come up with a pop culture reference.
Or a crisp way to articulate how to deal with failure. Even with my extensive work in the D&D realm.
Why? Because I haven’t learned the magic spell to dispel my feelings of disappointment when I fail at something.
Instead, I’ve learned to tolerate failure, to let my inner emo kid come out and process the feelings, and to channel that frustration, defeat, and sadness into working harder.
So that’s what this post is about. The truth. Not a glossy clickbait title.
So…how do I get over failure?
Allow Yourself to Feel
Ughhh, yes. Feelings. It’s crucial to acknowledge the emotions that come with rejection. Let yourself feel disappointed, upset, or frustrated. Ignoring these feelings doesn’t make them disappear; it merely postpones the inevitable confrontation. This is your excuse to play your favorite emo album from the early 2000’s, go for a run or weightlifting session, and let those feelings out.
Analyze and Learn
Once the initial sting has lessened, objectively analyze the situation. Or subjectively analyze the situation until you’re ready to bring objectivity into this. What went wrong? What could you have done differently? Was it a mismatch of expectations or a flaw in this presentation? Each failure can carry lessons. Sometimes, it’s just that it wasn’t the right timing/fit/conditions and had *nothing* to do with you.
Also remember one of my favorite quotes:
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.” Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Seek Feedback
Often, rejection comes without explanation. Whenever possible, seek out feedback. Understanding the reasons behind a decision can provide critical insights that refine your approach, product, or pitch. Take this feedback seriously, not personally. Grow from it, or, if it’s not relevant (for instance, “I didn’t like that the CEO had purple hair”) you can choose to ignore it. The key here is you need to let go. Many times you won’t be able to get feedback, you have to learn to live in that liminal zone where you have your unknowable unknown. Learn to deal with that. It’s part of playing in these leagues.
Change What You Can
Armed with new insights, tweak your approach. Maybe your pitch needs to be clearer, or your product requires a feature that better meets your audience’s needs. Use the feedback as a guide to improve and try again. Learn to take that critical feedback as a valuable insight, really it is.
Build Resilience
Resilience isn’t inherent; it’s built through repeated exposure to challenges and learning how to navigate them. Microbes have this resilience that makes them able to withstand stresses. Each failure is an opportunity to fortify your resilience and determination. You’re gaining powers and prowess, if you think about it, that’s pretty cool.
Maintain Perspective
The path to success is rarely linear. Many of the most successful entrepreneurs and leaders faced repeated rejections before achieving their breakthrough, or something like that. The internet and the annals of history are filled with stories of perseverance. Be like those people, but also find a way to preserve your feelings and be like you. This is tough, and this is a skill you’re learning. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.
Surround Yourself with Support
Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey, making setbacks feel even more isolating. If you’re running a company, you set the tone, and need to balance authenticity with strength and vulnerability: a tough mix. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community — mentors, peers, friends — can provide the encouragement needed to persevere. This also means that sometimes it’s your turn to give the pep talks, and sometimes you get to receive the pep talks. Such is the pep talk circle of life.
Celebrate Small Wins
In the pursuit of big goals, don’t overlook the small victories. Celebrating progress, however minor, can provide a much-needed morale boost and motivation to keep pushing forward. Buy the team lunch. Treat yo’ self. Take time to recognize where you are, it’ll help.
So there you have it. The “secret” to dealing with failure is recognizing that there isn’t one. It’s about embracing the pain, learning from it, and allowing it to propel you forward with more wisdom and resilience than before. Failure is not the opposite of success; it’s a vital part of the journey toward it.
